If you follow me for my workout/beach photos/biking posts, just keep scrolling up. I promise there will be another one tomorrow…
Recently, you sort of saw a blip of me almost “dating” a guy who I thought was my perfect match. My only problem is he didn’t really want to “date”. He wanted to take me out to dinner all the time, and paddleboarding, and riding, and cook me meals and buy me home furniture when I moved, and stuff…but it never amounted to actual showing of feelings, and feeling like his life was better because I was in it.
So when he unknowingly pissed me off a few weeks ago, I decided to take a step back and assess the situation with my brain instead of my heart. I weighed out the pros and cons and knew deep down that he was playing a game and just stringing me along. What did I do about it?
I cut back the amount of time I spent with him to make room for friends and other dates, and was not always readily available anymore. I turned down staying the night at his place (which was hard). No more making out. No more giving affection, which he loved receiving but never really gave back.
The truth is that it is hard to let go of someone I really liked. I’m not in a hurry to get somewhere, but I am worthy of dating and love. Not feeling wanted is tough. But sticking around month after month, hoping it will go somewhere is also hard. Life is too short for games and being treated less than what I deserve.
I can’t settle for someone that does not truly want what I have to offer (did I mention I am awesome at baking, jokes and traveling/planning, etc?) I just had to know for myself that I needed to let go and move on.
There is someone out there for me. Hope is good. Life is good. Friends are great. Now just need a consistent +1 for all those upcoming wedding and work dates…Humor gets me through it all.
Faustino has been talking about this bike torture clinic he used to take and raves about it. Finally found it online. $440. This 9 week class would speed-wise put me in line with the slowest biking friend in the group of guys I ride with. I could actually, possibly, certainly keep up with him (pass him) on the roller hills.
Called the guy to ask more questions. They don’t use speed play clip-ins, so I would need to buy different shoes with SPB clips and bring my shoes and bike since the classes are 2 hours and we switch back and forth from spin bikes to our own bikes.
So now I’m officially out, because I can’t come to terms with putting the class, and new shoes on my credit card. I have money goals on getting debt down and this would certainly set me back.
Disappointing, but I’ll find another way to get better. Maybe next paycheck I will find a trainer on craigslist for $50 to set up in my home.
Really, all I want is for him to call and say “Sorry this got weird and I’m texting you weird, ambiguous, aloof crap every day to try to get your attention. Let’s clear the air and be friends.”
What I am getting is “me me me” texts. No “good morning”, “how is your day going”, “hope work doesn’t suck today”. Just selfish attempts to see if I will respond and show he has a nice big wall of issues he has a death grip on. It takes constant reminders of telling myself his issues from past relationships are not my fault, nor are they my problem to solve. Sorry dude. Keep texting me. Keep getting one word responses until I’m bored with that too.
I’m not sure why men and women were made to communicate differently and think differently, but it’s frustrating as shit.
-I have feelings and will show them.
-I am willing to take risks and suffer the consequences or reap the rewards.
-I am a great catch dammit!
-I will move on. The hurting heart will heal and someday, unexpectedly, I will meet someone who knocks me off my feet and takes my breath away.
Until then…gym time, triathlon training, girls night out’s, love from friends and family, holidays, and wine will keep me in my happy place.
No more tears for a man who might care that we are not talking, but does not care enough to reach out and meet up to resolve this weirdness.
Today, I have powered through 6 episodes of The Following on Netflix and cannot stop. I drank two glasses of wine (on top of ALL the alcohol I drank Friday and Saturday night). I have only had a 1/2 wheat english muffin, 1 gu and 1 fish taco today along with above said wine. I’ve also had maybe 8 hours of sleep between the two nights combined.
A great friend told me a while ago to write down on paper what it is I want, need and what I am willing to sacrifice on a specific subject.
After much thought, I emailed her the list.
Recently, I heard it again from someone else. Today, I actually opened my first journal I bought over a month ago and wrote the list, on paper, to solidify in concrete what I’m aiming for.
When you put your hopes and desires out there in the the universe for others to know, surely it comes true. It came true for being an Ironman finisher. Surely it can happen with love and business dreams as well.
Hoping I can put pen to paper more frequently to process everything swimming in my head. Life is short and I have a lot of stuff to see and do!
Had my first private swim lesson EVER tonight. First time truly being looked at and critiqued.
First she had me just jump in and do a 100m warm up. She immediately said I am trying to use power to swim and warm up to fast.
First she made me swim relaxed. Then changed my breathing. Then my head position. Then she had me swim with a buoy (no kicking). Then every 50m she would adjust something with my arms or shoulder position and follow through. Finally she gave me a drill I have never done…the fingertip drill. I finally felt like I was gliding on top of the water instead of fighting it.
End result: 100m at the beginning of the lesson was timed at 2:04 minutes. 100m at the end was done in 1:53. I wasn’t winded or fatigued at the end.
Money well spent. Now I have 6 weeks of “homework” and drills to make these changes consistent. Feels good to have control in the pool and glide rather than power through and fight the water.
Vineman 70.3 2014 registration started on the 1st and it’s already sold out with 750 ppl on the waiting list. This is ridiculous. I know triathlons are the new black of endurance sports, but at this rate of selling out and the ridiculous cost of entering, I may become an ex triathlete competitor.
Feeling a little disheartened.
Edit: not that there aren’t other 70.3’s to sign up for, but I wanted this course in gorgeous Sonoma wine country with the swim in a lake, instead of the ocean with swells and currents to battle.
It’s only noon and I would like a “do-over” on today already. And yesterday right before I walked out of the pool shower locker without my swimsuit. Hopefully it was still hanging in the showers when I called the pool this morning about it.
I am a slow road biker. I am a slow runner. I am good at swimming, but not fast. This gives me a slow finish time which puts me average or less than in my age group for triathlon races.
I decided I need to get a swim coach to work on my technique to perform an efficient stroke and gliding method. I need a running coach to help my pose and teach me how to become faster.
The secret is deep deep down, this slow triathlete dreams of qualifying for Ironman Kona. Dreams. Like it is something that could only happen if all the planets aligned and a unicorn appeared at my doorstep to bless me.
So, I’m getting coaches, even though it’s forking out money I’m trying to save for a better bike.
Next year I’ll do Vineman 70.3. It is very hilly and hot. This will prepare me for 2015 IM Wisconsin, where I could qualify. This dream can come true. I just need to work my ass off for 2 years and shoot for the moon!
Now don’t share the secret or it might not come true.